How to convince the stubborn unhealthy person to develop healthy habits.

In my occupational therapy work, I often come across family members who request for my help in order to "convince" a loved one they care about to stop certain high-risk habits and to start certain healthy ones. If you're going through a similar situation, this post is for you.

1. Recognise that you can't convince people.

You can only give them the information they need in order to be able to make an informed decision. In occupational therapy we practice client-centered practice, this means that the client is in the position to make their own decisions, we give them recommendations and options, but at the end of the day, the client is the one responsible for making their own choices and living with the consequences.

2. Read these books. These books are on my recommended reading list for clients and caregivers. Occupational therapists believe cooperation between the client and their family members is important to ensure a good outcome. Every time I find myself in a situation involving client-caregiver relationship dynamics, the first thing I do is prescribe these books for reading. 

One of my occupational therapy for mental health clients is just only on her first book, but her quality of life has improved significantly that she has already reduced her medication intake, just by reading and applying what is taught in these books.

3. People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.

How are you conveying your message? Deep down inside, your stubborn family member knows you love them - but at that moment in time, do they feel like you're a nag or or are they able to genuinely able to feel your love and care? If you read the books mentioned above, you'll be able to learn the different ways different people with different personality types and communication styles feel love and care, and be able to pass the message on to them in a way that is acceptable to them.

4. Old habits die hard, unless there is something worth changing for.

My parents engage in activites that are meaningful and purposeful to them after retirement, as opposed to sitting in front of a TV all day as most old people would. They are also extremely healthy. If you have a loved one who finds it very difficult to change their high risk habits to healthy ones - perhaps you may want to ask yourself, what's the prize for the healthy "price" they feel have to pay?

Last weekend I gave an occupational therapy consultation to the family of an elderly gentleman whose diabetes and high blood pressure diagnosis spanned 20 years and his family wanted him to change his habits. They also stopped him from leaving the house because if he did he would engage in habits that weren't good for him. Even before I talked about changing how he ate and what he ate, the first thing I talked about to him after doing an analysis of his lifestyle was that he needed to explore new activities that gave purpose and meaning to life.

"If you're 60 years old now, and average life expectacy is 70-80, that means you have another 10-20 years to live. Do you want to spend your next 10-20 years watching TV at home? If your next 10-20 years is to be spent watching TV at home, then of course you don't need to be healthy. How would you like to spend your next 10-20 years?"

If they have something significant to do (or a role to play) in the next 10-20 years, which requires a healthy body in order to do it properly, then don't you think it would be worth making some changes to one's habits in order to do that?

So before you want to get your stubborn loved one to change their habits:

1. - ask yourself, do they have something that tugs at their heartstrings enough in order for them to want to change their habits and get out of the comfort zone for? Are they aware of it?

2. - ask yourself again, have I earned the right to tell them to change? (Just because you are their family member or you think you care for them, doesn't mean they grant you this right.) Have I earned their trust? Do I show them (in the way that they want to be cared for) that I care for them?

Too many people are angry at their loved ones for not changing their habits. So long as you continue to convey the message in an angry way and continue to be angry with them for not changing, then they will continue not to change. Change your approach, and soon you'll see changes in them too.